THE LIE
āMy home surf-break identifies as better than J bayā
My friend James from NJ said thisā¦
ā¦NJ waves suck. J-bay waves are awesome. Itās the conclusion of the famous movie āEndless Summerā… a quest for the most perfect wave in the world.
This quote is basically saying your local sledding hill is equivalent to skiing Utah.
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James is 37 now.
We went to college together.
He lives in a super rich manhattan commuter town very far away from good surf.
Like if youāre a surfer you wouldnāt live there.
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James married an awesome girl, sheās pretty.
Sheās a GP at a really famous consulting firm.
āYeah our plan is to retire early and travel the world.ā
-James in 2025
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āMy home break identifies as better than J bayā
He was responding to my note on our group thread that said āMalibu first point is a more fun wave to ride than Cloudbreak.ā
Why would James respond that way lol?
Deflection right? Sarcastic deflectionā¦
I live in SoCal near some of the best waves in the world.
And James loves to surf.
But he chose to live in NJ next to some of the shittiest waves in the world because his wife is āGP at a really famous consulting firmāā¦
Oh and the only time the waves arenāt shitty is in the depth of winter (below freezing air temps, ice cold water)…
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Iāve been watching the office again recently.
Itās bleak to me
Super dark.
Work a meaningless job, settle for comfort, and find one person to make it bearable.
Basically the middle class that the masses settle for.
I debate whether or not I should keep watching it.
Because itās so clearly a transition from the unrealisim of the post rom-com era of the 90s.
So clearly a harbinger for the disconnected app-based marriage-and-kids-as-virtue-signaling world that weāre wrapped up in nowadays.
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James and his wife got pregnant recently.
āYeah, now we think we need to grind it out another 10-20 years.ā
Another 20 yearsā¦ fuck, man!!
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THE TRUTH
āObviously theyāre getting all the waves! Theyāre surfing a perfect pointbreak on massive ass fucking boards!ā
-frustrated no-name visitor at first point who brought a board that was too small and got absolutely 0 fucking waves during a perfect summer swell at Malibu
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The faces at first point are perfect.
Itās like if you could take the culture of California and turn it into a wave.
Dreamy, long, cruisy, taperingā¦
Just a perfect shape.
It peels forever on a good dayā¦ off into the sunsetā¦ and the sun is always shiningā¦
The ride time is so longā¦
You can style it so beautifullyā¦ nose ride it, walk the board, connect sections, do these biggg lay back knee drop turnsā¦ or just pump a little, trim, and enjoy yourselfā¦
It feels like youāve got more than enough time to do whatever you wantā¦ and then itās suddenly overā¦
Those rides are so dreamyā¦
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Our brains are hardwired for scarcity.
But our world is abundantā¦ too abundantā¦
Whatā¦ 9 billion people?
Probably 100 million suitable mates?
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āMy home break identifies as better than J-bayā
Lol dude fuck offā¦
You just signed up for New Jersey for 30 yearsā¦ thatās not my problem.
No take-backs with a wife or kids either.
Makes me wonder how many guys would āreturnā it if it were that easy.
Probably a lotā¦ 50% divorce rate with all that pain in the systemā¦
Seriouslyā¦ if it were frictionlessā¦ how high would that number get?
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Jim and Pamā¦ a sweet lullabyā¦ the death knoll for adventurers everywhere.
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THE QUESTION
After I jotted this down I read a chapter on Romance from Jordan Petersonās second book.
The TLDR is, if youāre not in a marriage between 21-35 then your life will be suboptimal.
Basically, youāll regret it.
He drills this in over and over.
The odd thing is it makes marriage seem like a battlefield.
A war that must be had in order to live in peace.
But I grew up in pure heaven. My parents never fought. Are still super attracted to each other. Theyāre quite happy.
Our house was never a battleground. It was a sanctuary.
Some place you walked into and felt a huge sigh of reliefā¦
Not the fucking opposite.
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Peterson is a troubled soul.
Why not solve for peace first and avoid war altogether?
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Iām also reading Derek Sivers book āUseful Not Trueā
The TLDR is, facts are simple and not emotional.
Most of the time youāre hearing opinions and perspectives.
Weāre social animals, we really want people to reinforce our opinions and perspectives and social scenarios as facts.
Derek sivers is quite happy. He recently told me he despises domesticity, as do a lot of his good friends [lol do a little research on who his friends are].
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I believe god / the universe / whatever is good.
What does good mean?
Well I think one thing it means is multiple solutions work.
So if youāre making statements, axioms, etcā¦ chances are other views / perspectives can also lead to a pretty good outcome.
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Iām single.
From my POV I dodged a couple of bullets.
It makes me so happy every time I think about the day-to-day that those metaphorical ābulletsā would have led to.
But from Petersonās POV, I shouldnāt be happy. My happiness is irresponsible. A denial. A refusal to sacrifice the present for a ābetterā tomorrow.
I should have to go to war with a domestic partner to be happy. And to enjoy forced romance with the same person Iām going to sleep with for the rest of my life.
The funny thing is I was stuck in that with the same partner for 5 years. It was just awful. Terrible. And I donāt use those words lightly.
Could I have made it work? Yeah. But it would have absolutely sucked.
And now Iām not in it. And I quite literally believe my life is heaven.
āUseful not trueā¦ā
Petersonās narrative is quite useful for his situation. Take a look at his wifeā¦ just google it.
Anyways, Petersonās conviction made me unhappy about my scenario which I was previously happy about.
āUseful not trueā¦ā
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Ahh self-doubtā¦
Hereās the thing.
I donāt really know if Iām right.
Maybe Petersonās right.
Maybe Iām avoiding. Maybe Iāll be too late. Maybe the social milieu is the way it is for one or another reasonā¦ And following my counter-culture ways will end me in a pit of despair.
But I do know Iām happy most of the timeā¦ I can tell you that. Confidently.
And if Iām not happy itās not because of my set-up. Itās usually because Iām caring about some other personās judgment, or afraid of some perceived threat (thatās not really a threat) that my anxious brain is telling me to be wary of.
And I do know that Iām particularly happy when Iām doing things that I love, and have honed / sharpened / grown over the years (surfing, running, hiking, triathlon, volleyball, writing etc. etc. etc.)
And I do know that finding things that you objectively love. Things that donāt depend on another person. Is a bullet proof way to enjoy life. And the more you practice them, the closer you approach masteryā¦ and masteryā¦ woohā¦ makes me tear up and get the goosebumps just thinking about itā¦
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And this marriage stuffā¦
āUseful not trueā… there are multiple solutions to happinessā¦
- Sivers divorced and is quite happy
- Ferris never married
- Bezos divorced
- Gates divorced
- Vaynerchuk divorced
- Ravikant got married at 39
Marriageā¦ Is it dogma? is it virtue?
Is marrying early good for those who are grasping? Who donāt have a purpose?
Is marrying early bad who are at peace, and do have purpose?
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When I was 19 in college I was having a pretty rough time. I was reading philosophy from a lot of folks who were also having a pretty rough timeā¦ And despite their philosophy, continued to have a rough time.
I had this insight that Iāve followed since thenā¦ Try and read and follow the philosophies of happy people. Be wary of following philosophies of sad peopleāparticularly if their philosophies donāt make them less sad.
What the fuck is the point of a philosophy if it doesnāt make you happy?
āUseful not trueā¦ā
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I was out surfing in Malibu about a week after I wrote this.
I watched this cutie hang 10 on like 3 or 4 waves in a row.
It does an injustice to call it graceful.
It was perfect. The water clearā¦ only a couple people out.
She was just beautiful.
Huge smile the whole time.
Levitating, both toes off a 10 foot board.
Angelic.
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Jordan peterson hasnāt gotten tubed
Jordan peterson hasnāt hung 10
Jordan peterson hasnāt run an ironman
Jordan peterson hasnāt run an ultra
Jordan peterson hasnāt made love to a 10 / 10ā¦ (check out his wife)
Jordan peterson wasnāt an investment banker at age 19
Jordan peterson is a pretty normal guy. An average white dude. Who grew up in rural Canada and is extremely smart.
And despite his fame and success, has a good amount of psych problems.
Thatās not to say pieces of his adviceā¦ or even all of his adviceā¦ is not a āgoodā thing.
I still recite the majority of his rules a couple times a week if not every morningā¦ Theyāre pretty damn good guideposts.
But again, useful not trueā¦ which ones work for you? And at which point in your life do they work for you? And in which scenarios do they work for you?
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āMy yoke is easy. My burden is lightā
āSeek wisdom, but not to the point you donāt enjoy lifeā
Life isnāt meant to be war.
Quite the opposite
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I watched that babeā¦ just so beautiful. Such a big smile.
I caught her eye as she paddled back outā¦ totally aware she was snaking me and gonna catch the best wave in the next set.
āHiā she said with a coy little smile.
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Publius
EPILOGUE
In 2026 James, 2 more guys, and myself had another trip planned to Fiji.
James bailed last minute. Lost like 6k. It was because of childcare.
His wife had a business trip.
He said to us the year before āa condition of our marriage is I get one uninterrupted surf trip per year.ā
Thatās when I opened up this blog post again and read it through. It had been a year since I wrote it.
I decided to publish it after I reread it.
A reminder to be very mindful of lifelong decisions I lock myself into. And the fear, anxiety, social comparisons, conventions, etc. that could lead to locking us into those decisions.
āHell yeah or noā… another quip that both naval and sivers cite when making these sorts of decisions.
Which is a particularly useful axiom for my way of life.
